Marriage Counseling in New Jersey
Colleen Makowsky offers marriage counseling for adults across New Jersey — practical, evidence-based, by secure video.
Marriage counseling at Colleen Makowsky LPC is for couples in the work between “we love each other” and “we don’t know how to do this anymore.” Pre-marital prep, communication breakdown, pre-divorce restoration, repair after years — practical sessions, online, statewide in New Jersey.
When marriage counseling is the right call
Most couples who reach out aren’t in a single big crisis. They’re in a slow accumulation — small disagreements that didn’t resolve, communication patterns that became defaults, distance that crept in without anyone naming it. Marriage counseling is for naming that out loud, in a room where both people get heard.
Communication that has stopped working
Same arguments on a loop. Same words trigger the same shutdown. The phrase that keeps surfacing is “we don’t fight, we just don’t talk.” When communication patterns become defaults, both partners stop hearing each other and start defending positions. The work is naming the loop, slowing it down, and finding a different way to enter the same conversation.
Pre-marital concerns before the wedding
Engaged, with the big questions surfacing — kids, money, religion, in-laws, where you’ll live, whose career bends when. The work is wanting a third party in the room before the vows. Not because anything is wrong. Because doing the alignment now is cheaper than doing it on year three.
Pre-divorce restoration work
One partner is leaning out. The other is leaning in. The sentence that brings most couples to this work is “we need to try one more thing before we make this decision.” Honest framing — this work isn’t a save-the-marriage promise. It’s a clarity process. Sometimes the clarity is repair. Sometimes the clarity is a more honest separation. Both are useful.
After an affair
Disclosure happened. Trust is broken. Neither partner knows yet whether to rebuild or part. Slow, structured work — not a fix-it timeline. We don’t rush through the rupture, and we don’t pretend the disclosure didn’t happen. We work in the room where both versions of what’s true get said out loud.
Parenting disagreements
Adult-couple-level differences on discipline, schools, screens, extended family. This isn’t family-as-unit work — the kids aren’t in the room. We work with the two of you on how you make decisions together when your defaults clash. The shifts you make as a couple show up later in how the kids experience the household.
Sex and intimacy that drifted
Frequency dropped. Desire mismatch. Physical distance without a clear reason. The topic became one neither person brings up because every previous attempt landed badly. Both partners often arrive thinking it’s their problem, or only the other partner’s problem. Usually it’s neither, and both. We make room for the conversation to happen with less defensiveness.
Financial conflict
Different money histories. Spender/saver tension. Big purchases or debt that surfaced a disagreement you didn’t know was there. Sometimes in-laws involved in finances in a way one partner finds normal and the other finds intrusive. Money fights are rarely about the dollar amount. They’re about safety, respect, and whose history is shaping the present.
Family-of-origin patterns clashing
How your parents fought (or didn’t) showing up in how you fight. Holiday loyalty conflicts — whose family hosts, who travels, who absorbs which discomfort. Roles you defaulted into without choosing. The patterns each partner imported from childhood don’t always interlock. We name what got imported and decide what stays.
Evidence-based marriage therapy in New Jersey
Marriage counseling at this practice is grounded in two evidence-based approaches — Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) — plus Motivational Interviewing (MI) when one or both partners are ambivalent. The work is practical: you leave each session with something to try, not just an insight to take home and forget.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
ACT helps couples notice the gap between what they want their relationship to look like and what’s actually happening. We work on values both partners can name out loud — what kind of partner you want to be — and on dropping the patterns that pull you away from those values.
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT)
SFBT is action-first, future-oriented. Rather than excavating every old wound, we look at what’s working (even a little), what’s already changed, and what the next concrete step looks like. Couples often respond to this faster than open-ended exploration — there’s traction inside the first three or four sessions.
Motivational Interviewing (MI)
MI is the framework I use when one or both partners are ambivalent — “I don’t know if I want to stay” or “I don’t know if I can do this.” MI doesn’t push for a decision. It helps each partner name their own reasons, on their own timeline, without coercion from the other side or from me.
I’m not trained in Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy or the Gottman Method. If a clinician has recommended either, I can refer you to a colleague who specializes in that work. What I offer is ACT, SFBT, and MI — practical, structured, evidence-based.
How marriage counseling actually works
Couples often arrive expecting a referee — someone to declare who’s right. That’s not what happens. What happens is slower and more useful: we slow down the patterns that have become automatic, name them, and replace them one at a time with something practical you can do under stress.
Slow down the loop
Most couple conflicts are pattern-loops both partners can describe in detail and neither can stop in the moment. Therapy is where the loop runs in slow motion. We name the trigger, the reaction, the counter-reaction, and the shutdown. Then we work on interrupting it earlier next time — not by being smarter in the moment, but by having a shared map of where the loop tends to go.
Most arguments aren’t about what they look like they’re about. The communication breakdown is the real thing — the topic is just the trigger.
Build a shared language
When couples don’t have language for what’s happening, they default to blame, withdrawal, or a script (“you always,” “you never”). We build a small set of phrases both partners trust — names for the patterns, the feelings, the asks — so the conversation has somewhere to go besides the old grooves.
Good therapy is practical. You should leave each session with something you can use — not just insight that stays in the room.
Practice it under low stakes
Insight in the therapy room is worthless if it disappears at home. We rehearse the new patterns when nothing is on fire — Tuesday night, before bed, after dinner — so that when something real comes up, the new pattern has a chance to win. Skills that only show up under duress are skills you don’t have yet.
The goal isn’t to never fight again. The goal is to fight a way that doesn’t damage what you’re trying to protect.
How we start — your first three steps
Reach out
Send a quick note through the contact form or call (551) 305-3742. The form is two fields — name and best way to reach you. Don’t include health details; we’ll talk through what’s going on verbally.
15-minute call (free)
We get on the phone for fifteen minutes. You tell me what’s bringing you in. I tell you whether marriage counseling is the right fit or whether you’d be better served by someone else. No charge. No pressure either way.
First session, then ongoing work
Sessions run 38 to 53 minutes, by secure video, weekly. Most couples work runs three to twelve months — it varies. You’ll know inside three or four sessions whether the fit is right.
WHAT A SESSION LOOKS LIKE
What a marriage counseling session looks like
Practical sessions, by secure video. Here’s what we cover — and what you leave with.
Where marriage strain comes from
Most marriage strain isn’t about the thing the couple is fighting about. It’s about older patterns — family-of-origin scripts, attachment styles, role expectations, generational divorce histories — that surface inside the relationship and don’t have names yet.
Family-of-origin scripts
How each partner’s parents fought (or didn’t) becomes the default template for how this couple fights. The yelling household imports one set of rules. The silent-treatment household imports another. We work on naming the template each of you brought in — and choosing, out loud, whether to keep it.
Attachment patterns
Anxious + avoidant pairings are common — one partner pursues, the other withdraws, and both feel unmet. Attachment work isn’t about labels; it’s about understanding why your patterns interlock the way they do. Once both partners can see the choreography, the dance changes.
Generational divorce or estrangement patterns
If divorce, separation, or estrangement runs in either family, both partners often carry weight they can’t name. The fear of repeating it. The unspoken belief that this is what relationships do. Marriage counseling is a place to name that out loud — without letting it drive the next decision by default.
Role expectations that were never negotiated
Most couples never explicitly negotiated who handles what — emotional labor, financial decisions, parenting calls, extended family. Roles got assigned by default, by gender, by who was louder, by who said yes first. Years in, the resentment shows up. We renegotiate the roles out loud, in present tense.
Signs it’s time to bring a counselor in
Most couples wait too long. The signs you’re past the “we can work this out ourselves” line — even if neither of you wants to say it out loud — usually look like this.
None of these mean the marriage is over. They mean it’s time to talk to someone outside it.
Colleen Makowsky offers marriage counseling across New Jersey
Colleen Makowsky
MA · LPC · NCC · CCTP · CAIMHP
Licensed counselor in Fort Lee, NJ. Adults and couples across all of New Jersey by secure video.
MA in Community Counseling, Montclair State University.
Trauma-informed (CCTP) · ACT · SFBT · MI for couples work.
OUR LOCATION
Online counseling across New Jersey
I’m a service-area provider — I work with adults and couples statewide by secure video. My base is Fort Lee, NJ (Bergen County), but you can see me from anywhere in New Jersey.
Hours
Mon–Fri by appointment
Sat & Sun: Closed
Phone
(551) 305-3742
EXPLORE OTHER SERVICES
Other ways I work with adults across New Jersey
Couples Therapy · Individual Therapy · LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapy · Anger & Emotion Regulation · Anxiety Therapy
Not married — dating, partnered, or pre-engaged? See couples therapy in New Jersey.
Marriage counseling FAQ
How long are sessions?
38 to 53 minutes. Most weeks land in the middle of that range. Insurance billing windows force the upper bound; the lower bound is the honest floor for productive couple work.
How long does marriage counseling take?
Three to twelve months for most couples — varies by what brought you in. Couples doing pre-marital work or single-issue repair often finish in three to five months. Couples working through pre-divorce questions or long-pattern repair often run six to twelve months.
Do you take insurance?
Yes. Aetna, Cigna/Evernorth, Optum/UnitedHealthcare/Oxford, Horizon Blue Cross Blue Shield of New Jersey, Oscar, Medicare, and most EAPs. Medicaid is not accepted. Out-of-network superbill available on request. For details, see insurance and cost.
Do you do Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) or the Gottman Method?
No. I’m not trained in couples EFT (Emotion-Focused Therapy) or in the Gottman Method. What I offer for couples is ACT, Solution-Focused Brief Therapy, and Motivational Interviewing. If a clinician has recommended EFT or Gottman, I can refer you to a colleague trained in either.
Do you do divorce mediation?
No — that’s a different role. Divorce mediation is a legal/financial process; marriage counseling is a clinical one. If you’ve decided to divorce and you need help with the mechanics (custody, division, communication during the process), I can refer to a colleague who does mediation.
Can one partner come without the other?
Sometimes — usually as a starting move, not a long-term arrangement. If one partner is ambivalent about whether to start, we’ll often do one or two sessions with the more-ready partner first to map what you’d be walking into. The standing arrangement, though, is both partners in the room.
Is everything we say confidential?
Confidentiality covers what gets said in session, with limited exceptions (imminent harm to self or others; abuse of a minor, elder, or disabled adult; court order). I don’t keep secrets between partners — if one of you tells me something privately, I’ll ask you to bring it into the room or I’ll bring it in myself. We agree to that explicitly in session one.
What happens on the free 15-minute call?
You tell me what’s bringing you in. I ask a few questions about the patterns you’re seeing. I tell you whether marriage counseling is a fit, whether one of the other services would suit better, or whether I’d refer you elsewhere. No charge. No pressure either direction.
RELATED SPECIALTIES
Couples Therapy in NJ · Individual Therapy in NJ · LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapy in NJ
READY TO START?
Schedule your free 15-minute consultation
Marriage counseling works best when both partners are ready to be in the room. The free 15-minute call is for figuring out if this is the right fit — for you, for your partner, for now.