Marriage Counseling in New Jersey
Colleen Makowsky offers marriage counseling for adults across New Jersey — practical, evidence-based, by secure video.
Marriage counseling at Colleen Makowsky LPC is for couples in between “we love each other” and “we don’t know how to do this anymore.” Pre-marital prep, communication breakdown, pre-divorce restoration, repair/rebuild trust — practical sessions, online, statewide in New Jersey.
When marriage counseling can help
Married couples who reach out do not have to be in a severe crisis. Maybe there is a triggering event, however, most likely problems have accumulated — small disagreements that didn’t resolve, communication patterns that became defaults, distance that crept in slowly. Marriage counseling is place to understand, repair, and rebuild, in a safe space where both people feel heard.
Communication difficulty
Same arguments over and over in a loop. Same conversations trigger the same shutdown. When communication patterns become defaults, both partners stop listening to each other and start defending positions. The work is identifying the loop, slowing it down, and finding a way to have a productive conversation.
Pre-marital concerns
Engaged, with big uncertainties — kids, money, religion, in-laws, where you’ll live, careers. The process of exploring concerns and negotiating when misaligned is essential before taking vows. There does not have to be anything wrong. Negotiating and reinforcing alignment now can prevent future disappointment.
Pre-divorce restoration
One partner is leaning toward divorce. The other is leaning toward reconciliation. The sentence that brings most couples to therapy is “we need to try one more thing before we make this decision.” This work is not a save-the-marriage promise. It’s a clarity process. Sometimes the clarity is repair. Sometimes the clarity is an amicable split. Both can help couples find healing and growth.
After an affair
Disclosure happened. Trust is broken. Neither partner knows whether to rebuild or part. Slow, structured work — not a quick fix. We thoroughly explore the rupture from all angles, and we don’t pretend the disclosure didn’t happen. We work together, explore truths, make decisions, identify ways to heal/repair/rebuild/trust.
Parenting disagreements
Different beliefs in discipline styles, school choice, screen type/time, and involvement of extended family. This isn’t family-as-unit work — the kids/extended family are not in the room. We work on how you make decisions together when your defaults clash. The shifts you make as a couple to improve your alignment directly affect how your kids experience the household.
Sex and intimacy that drifted
Frequency dropped. Desires mismatch. Physical distance without understanding. Lack of communication because every previous attempt ended in more distance. Partners wonder if it’s their problem, or their partner’s problem. Usually it’s neither, and both. We make room for the conversation to happen with less defensiveness.
Financial conflict
Different financial histories. Spender/saver tension. Big purchases, debt, and disagreement. Extended family involvement, one partner finds this normal, and the other finds it intrusive. Money problems are rarely about the dollar amount. They’re about safety, discipline, respect, problem solving, prioritizing values, and compromise.
Family-of-origin patterns clashing
Explore how both of your parents handled conflict. Holiday loyalties — who hosts, who travels, who absorbs which discomfort. Roles you defaulted into without discussing. The patterns each partner imported from childhood do not always interlock. We identify what each of you imported and find resolution.
Evidence-based marriage therapy in New Jersey
Marriage counseling at this practice is grounded in two evidence-based approaches — Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) — plus Motivational Interviewing (MI) when one or both partners are ambivalent. The work is practical: you leave each session with something concrete to try, not just an insight.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
ACT helps couples notice the gap between what they want their relationship to look like and what’s actually happening. We work on values both partners can share — and realize what kinds of partners you want to be — we explore the patterns that pull you away from your values and develop new patterns.
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT)
SFBT is action-first, future-oriented. Rather than excavating every old wound, we look at what’s working (even a little), what’s already changed, and what the next concrete step looks like. Couples often respond well to this modality — there’s traction inside the first three or four sessions.
Motivational Interviewing (MI)
MI is the framework I use when one or both partners are ambivalent — “I don’t know if I want to stay” or “I don’t know if I can do this.” MI doesn’t push for a decision. It helps each partner identify and verbalize their own reasons, on their own timeline, without coercion.
I offer ACT, SFBT, and MI — practical, structured, evidence-based therapy for married couples.
Sessions
Couples often arrive expecting the counselor to be a referee — someone to declare who’s right. That’s not what happens. What happens is slower and more useful: we slow down the patterns that have become automatic, identify them, and replace them one at a time, with practical skills you can use everyday and also when under duress.
Slow down the loop
Most couple conflicts are pattern-loops both partners can describe in detail and neither one can stop in the moment. Therapy is slowing down the loop, identifying the trigger, the reaction, the counter-reaction, and the shutdown. We work on interrupting the loop earlier — by identifying when you’re stuck, and learning skills to break the loop.
Learning to pause and identify the underlying feelings can break communication loops. The argument topic is just the “trigger.”.
Build a shared language
When couples experience discord, they sometimes default to blame, withdrawal, or a script (“you always” “you never”). We build a small set of phrases both partners trust — names for the patterns, the feelings, the needs, “I” statements — so the conversation advances with mutual understanding and resolution-not defensiveness.
Good therapy is practical. You should leave each session with something you can use — not just insight that stays in the room.
Practice it in a safe space
Insight in the therapy room is worthless if it disappears as soon as the session is over. We rehearse the new patterns when things are fine — Tuesday night, before bed, after dinner — so that when a conflict arises, the new patterns are used in order to avoid loops and misunderstandings. These skills should be used all the time, not just under duress.
The goal is to be able to disagree and negotiate a solution respectfully.
How we start — your first three steps
Reach out
Open the secure intake form or call (917) 519-8447. It takes about a minute, and we’ll set up your free 15-minute consultation from there.
15-minute call (free)
Fifteen minutes by video/phone. You tell me what’s brings you and your partner to therapy, I tell you how I can help, and we decide if we are a good fit. No charge, no pressure.
First session, then ongoing work
Sessions run 38 to 53 minutes, by secure video, weekly. Most marriage therapy spans three to twelve months. You’ll likely notice change after three or four sessions.
WHAT A SESSION LOOKS LIKE
What a marriage counseling session looks like
Practical sessions, by secure video. Here’s what we cover — and what you leave with.
About marital strain
Most marriage strain stems from past patterns — family-of-origin scripts, attachment styles, role expectations, generational divorce histories — that surface in the relationship slowly and can be difficult to recognize.
Family-of-origin scripts
How each partner’s parents expressed emotions becomes the default template for relating to one another. The yelling household imports one set of rules. The silent-treatment household imports another. We work on identifying the unique template each of you brought into the marriage — and then choosing as a couple, to revise the scripts.
Attachment patterns
Anxious + avoidant pairings are common — one partner pursues, the other withdraws, and both feel their needs are unmet. We explore these patterns and learn how each partner can increase their emotional availability..
Generational divorce or estrangement patterns
If divorce, separation, or estrangement runs in either family, both partners often carry weight, and fear of repeating it. The unspoken belief that this is what relationships do. Marriage counseling is a place to explore the past — without letting it drive the next chapter by default.
Role expectations that were never negotiated
Most couples never explicitly negotiated responsibilities — emotional labor, financial decisions, tasks, parenting, extended family. Roles were assigned by default, by gender, by who said yes first. Years in, resentment builds. We renegotiate the roles and remove power imbalances.
Signs it’s time to bring a counselor in
Most couples wait too long. Signs that indicate counseling may benefit your marriage usually look like this.
The marriage doesn’t have to end. Maybe it’s time to talk to a counselor.
Colleen Makowsky offers marriage counseling across New Jersey
Colleen Makowsky
MA · LPC · NCC · CCTP · CAIMHP
Licensed counselor in Fort Lee, NJ. Adults and couples across all of New Jersey by secure video.
MA in Community Counseling, Montclair State University.
Trauma-informed (CCTP) · ACT · SFBT · MI for couples work.
OUR LOCATION
Online counseling across New Jersey
I’m a service-area provider — I work with adults and couples statewide by secure video. My base is Fort Lee, NJ (Bergen County), but you can see me from anywhere in New Jersey.
Hours
By appointment
Weekdays and weekends
Morning, afternoon, evening
Phone
(917) 519-8447
EXPLORE OTHER SERVICES
Types of therapy
Couples Therapy · Individual Therapy · LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapy · Anger & Emotion Regulation · Anxiety Therapy
Not married — dating, partnered, or pre-engaged? See couples therapy in New Jersey.
Marriage counseling FAQ
How long are sessions?
38 to 53 minutes, occasionally 60 minutes if needed.
How long does marriage counseling take?
Three to twelve months for most couples — varies by need. Couples doing pre-marital work or single-issue work are often short term. Couples working through pre-divorce issues, infidelity, or trauma work often take longer.
Do you take insurance?
Yes. Aetna, Cigna/Evernorth, Optum/UnitedHealthcare/Oxford, Horizon Blue Cross Blue Shield of New Jersey, Oscar, Medicare, and most EAPs. Medicaid is not accepted. Out-of-network superbill available on request. For details, see insurance and cost.
Do you offer EFT emotion focused therapy or the Gottman Method?
No. I am not trained in either modality. If a clinician has recommended EFT or the Gottman Method, I can refer you to a colleague trained in either.
Do you do divorce mediation?
No — that’s a different role. Divorce mediation is a legal/financial process; marriage counseling is a clinical process. If you’ve decided to divorce and you need help with the mechanics (custody, division, communication during the process), I recommend divorce mediation.
Can one partner come without the other?
Sometimes — usually at the beginning to gather information, not a long-term arrangement. If one partner is ambivalent about the need for therapy, I’ll often do one or two sessions with the more-motivated partner first. The standing arrangement, though, is both partners in the room.
Is everything we say confidential?
Yes, everything is confidential with limited exceptions (imminent harm to self or others; abuse of a minor, elder, or disabled adult; court order). I don’t keep secrets between partners — if one of you tells me something privately, I’ll ask you to bring it into the room or I’ll bring it in myself. We agree to that explicitly in session one.
What happens on the free 15-minute call?
You tell me what brings you to marriage counseling, I’ll ask a few questions about the patterns you’re experiencing, we decide whether marriage counseling is a fit, whether one of the other services would suit better, or whether I refer you to another provider. No charge. No pressure.
RELATED SPECIALTIES
Couples Therapy in NJ · Individual Therapy in NJ · LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapy in NJ
READY TO START?
Schedule your free 15-minute consultation
Marriage counseling works best when both partners are ready to be in the room. The free 15-minute call is for figuring out if this is the right fit — for you, for your partner, for now.