Couples Therapy in New Jersey
Colleen Makowsky offers couples therapy for adults across New Jersey — practical, evidence-based, by secure video.
Couples therapy at Colleen Makowsky LPC is for partnered adults who want to improve their relationship — communication, attachment patterns, engagement-stage clarity, queer-couple work, repair/rebuild trust. Whether you’re newly together, long-cohabiting, queer-partnered, or non-monogamous — Colleen can help.
When couples therapy can help
Couples who reach out do not need to be experiencing a severe crisis. Maybe there is a triggering event, however, most likely problems have accumulated — small disagreements that didn’t resolve, communication patterns that have become defaults, distance that crept in slowly. Couples counseling is place to understand, repair, and rebuild, in safe space where both people feel heard.
Communication that has drifted into defaults
Criticism. Interrupting. Stonewalling. When communication patterns become defaults, both partners stop listening to each other and start defending positions. The work is identifying the loop, slowing it down, and finding a way to have a productive conversation.
Attachment patterns that interlock
Anxious + avoidant pairings. One partner pursues, the other withdraws. Both feel their needs are unmet without knowing why. Attachment work is about identifying your patterns and understanding your partners. Then change can begin.
Engagement-stage clarity work
Considering long-term commitment or marriage? Structured time to explore your relationship and envision the future can help couples work through concerns. Family planning, money, religion, geography, careers. Colleen can help couples determine where they are aligned, and areas they need to explore further.
Queer-couple-specific work
Coming out as a couple to family or community. Navigating chosen-family vs family-of-origin. Queer-specific minority stress that damages the relationship. Non-monogamy, polyamory, open relationships. Colleen can help you navigate challenges without assumptions about relationship structure.
Re-engagement after a breakup or an affair
Considering getting back together. Disclosure of an outside connection. Trying to figure out whether the relationship is rebuildable — regardless of status. Colleen offers a safe space to work through the rupture, and heal.
Cohabitation friction
Partner dynamics. Negotiating tasks. Financial disagreements. Day-to-day friction that’s become unmanageable.
Different relationship histories
Attachment models from past relationships interfering. Trauma one partner is carrying that weighs on the relationship. Different ideas about closeness. We work on what each of you brought to the relationship, what to keep, and what the relationship needs to negotiate/change.
Married, engaged, or working through a marital crisis? See marriage counseling in New Jersey.
Evidence-based couples therapy in New Jersey
Couples therapy treatment modalities: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT). Both are practical, action-first, and structured. Both are appropriate for non-married, queer, engaged, and long-partnered couples.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
ACT helps partnered adults name the values both people can stand behind — what kind of partner they want to be, what kind of relationship they want to build — and then drop the patterns that pull them away from those values. Especially useful for alternative partnerships.
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT)
SFBT is action-first and future-oriented. We look at what’s working (even a little), what’s already shifted, and what one concrete next step looks like. Couples often respond to this modality well — there’s movement after three or four sessions, and the work focuses on practical change.
I offer ACT and SFBT — practical, evidence-based, and well-suited to a wide range of partnership structures.
Sessions
Couples therapy isn’t a referee process. We don’t focus on who’s right. We slow down and identify patterns that have become automatic, explore them in a safe space where both partners feel heard, and replace them — one at a time — with intention.
Make the pattern visible
Most couple-conflicts happen repeatedly. In therapy, we explore: triggers, reactions, counter-reactions, shutdowns. When both partners can recognize the loop, the question shifts from “who started it?” to “where do we want to interrupt it next time?”
The “fight” is rarely about the surface problem. It’s usually about the feelings underneath.
Build a shared language
Couples tend to default to blame, withdrawal, or scripted accusations (“you always” “you never”). We build a small set of phrases both partners trust — names for the patterns, the feelings, the needs — couples learn to use “I” statements so the conversation becomes productive, and the dynamic changes.
Good therapy is practical. You should leave each session with something you can use — not just insight that stays in the room.
Practice the new pattern in a safe space
Insight in the therapy room is worthless if it remains in the therapy session. Role-playing the new patterns when things are fine — Tuesday night, before bed, after a quiet dinner — to prepare the new pattern for when problems arise. These skills are needed in everyday life-not just when under duress.
The goal is to be able to disagree and negotiate a solution respectfully.
How we start — your first three steps
Reach out
Open the secure intake form or call (917) 519-8447. It takes about a minute, and we’ll set up your free 15-minute consultation from there.
15-minute call (free)
Fifteen minutes by video/phone. You tell me what’s brings you and your partner to therapy, I tell you how I can help, and we decide if we are a good fit. No charge, no pressure.
First session, then ongoing work
Sessions run 38 to 53 minutes, by secure video, weekly. Most couples therapy spans three to twelve months. You’ll likely start seeing change after three or four sessions.
WHICH FORMAT FITS
Couples therapy – Individual therapy
Some partnership problems are best worked on together. Sometimes it is better to work individually first, then together. Sometimes couple and individual therapy work well at the same time. If you are uncertain where to begin, we can discuss this during the free 15-minute consultation.
About partnership friction
Most partnership friction stems from patterns underneath — attachment styles, past-relationship templates, family-of-origin scripts, minority stress, role expectations that were never negotiated.
Attachment patterns – anxious + avoidant
Anxious + avoidant pairings are the most common combination — one partner pursues, the other withdraws, and both feel their needs are unmet. Attachment work is about understanding why your patterns interlock and learning how to interrupt the loop.
Attachment patterns
What each of you learned in earlier partnerships becomes the default template — what closeness looks like, what conflict looks like, what disappointment looks like. We explore these patterns and learn how each partner can increase their emotional availability.
Minority stress (queer couples)
Queer couples often carry added stress — coming out to family, navigating non-affirming workplaces or relatives, finding chosen family. That stress affects the relationship. We work on managing stressors and focusing on those who affirm and support.
Role expectations that were never negotiated
Most couples never explicitly negotiate the logistics of their relationship — emotional labor, finances, task, social calendar, in-law contact. Roles assigned by default lead to resentment. We renegotiate the role expectations in session.
Signs it’s time to bring a counselor in
Most partnered adults wait too long to bring a counselor in. Signs the relationship can benefit from therapy usually look like this.
The relationship doesn’t have to end. Maybe it’s time to talk to a counselor.
Colleen Makowsky offers couples therapy across New Jersey
Colleen Makowsky
MA · LPC · NCC · CCTP · CAIMHP
Licensed counselor in Fort Lee, NJ. Adults and couples across all of New Jersey by secure video.
MA in Community Counseling, Montclair State University.
Trauma-informed (CCTP) · ACT · SFBT for couples work.
OUR LOCATION
Online counseling across New Jersey
I’m a service-area provider — I work with adults and couples statewide by secure video. My base is Fort Lee, NJ (Bergen County), but you can see me from anywhere in New Jersey.
Hours
By appointment
Weekdays and weekends
Morning, afternoon, evening
Phone
(917) 519-8447
EXPLORE OTHER SERVICES
Types of therapy
Marriage Counseling · Individual Therapy · LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapy · Anger & Emotion Regulation · Anxiety Therapy
Married, engaged, or working through a marital crisis? See marriage counseling in New Jersey.
Couples therapy FAQ
How long are sessions?
38 to 53 minutes, occasionally 60 minutes if needed.
How long does couples therapy take?
Three to twelve months for most couples. It varies based on need. Communication-pattern work and engagement-clarity work are often short term; infidelity, trust, and trauma work often takes longer.
Do you take insurance?
Yes. Aetna, Cigna/Evernorth, Optum/UnitedHealthcare/Oxford, Horizon Blue Cross Blue Shield of New Jersey, Oscar, Medicare, and most EAPs. Medicaid is not accepted. Out-of-network superbill available on request. For details, see insurance and cost.
Do you offer EFT emotion focused couples therapy or the Gottman Method?
No I am not trained in either modality. If a clinician has recommended EFT or the Gottman Method, I can refer to a colleague trained in either.
Do you work with queer couples and non-monogamous structures?
Yes — both. ACT and SFBT both work without assumptions about relationship structure. Queer couples, non-monogamous configurations, polyamorous partnerships — I focus on the work, and your unique relationship structure. See also the LGBTQ+ affirming therapy page.
Can one partner come without the other?
Sometimes — usually at the beginning to gather information, but in general couples meet together. If one partner is ambivalent about the need for therapy, I’ll meet with the more-motivated partner first. The standing arrangement, though, is both partners in the room.
Is everything we say confidential?
Yes, everything is confidential with limited exceptions (imminent harm to self or others; abuse of a minor, elder, or disabled adult; court order). I don’t keep secrets between partners — if one of you tells me something privately, I’ll ask you to bring it into the room or I’ll bring it in myself. We agree to that explicitly in session one.
What if we’re not sure we want to stay together?
That’s a common place to start. We don’t push for a decision in either direction. We make the patterns visible, build a shared language, and let each of you find your own clarity on your own timeline. If clarity points toward ending the relationship, we work on doing that amicably — and explore what each of you gained to take into the next chapter.
RELATED SPECIALTIES
Marriage Counseling in NJ · LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapy in NJ · Individual Therapy in NJ
READY TO START?
Schedule your free 15-minute consultation
Couples therapy works best when both partners are willing to be in the room. The free 15-minute call is for figuring out if this is the right fit — for both of you.